What to do to make Freshman Year comfortable socially
REAL STORY: there was a young freshman who couldn’t eat in the dining hall for the first few days of college because she didn’t know she could sit anywhere! And this was a Brooklyn kid used to a huge cafeteria in public high school who had chosen to go to a small single-sex Pennsylvania college. Yes, this article is only about getting through the first week or so because the awkwardness and nerves a new freshman feels don’t last the entire year.
- Don’t Expect Anything. Put all those movies, books and tv shows out of your head. Wrong, unrealistic expectations will cripple your adjustment and set you up for disappointment.
- Locate Student Support Services! Your tuition pays for them to be there for you. They provide advice on how to manage time, campus life and anything that concerns you.
- Locate the Tutoring Center! Even the brightest kids seek help. Do it the first two weeks.
- Don’t Resist New Things! When kids are little and introduced to new foods, especially when visiting other people’s homes, one tactic to use is the “Three Tries Rule”: a) Take a full first bite b) Take another full bite to be sure c) Have another full bite to be polite. Celebrity couple Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Sara Michelle Gellar have a 10 Tries Rule, no negotiation! (https://www.huffpost.com/entry/freddie-prinze-jr-parenting-quotes_l_60467c1cc5b6e6abac81f4bf) As long as the activities don’t clash with your class schedule, attend a variety of organized events. Don’t wait for your favorite theme. You may find new friends in unexpected places.
- You Are Not Alone. Most schools admit a thousand or more freshmen a year. Odds are not only is there someone else who likes the same last place-ranked professional team, or who reads the same Deep South gothic ghost stories — but they’re not going to fall into your lap as you sit in the dorm room. Or if you’re a commuter, you won’t find them if you go straight home after class.
- Forget High School Humiliations. Put embarrassing moments behind you. That’s a more difficult to do for students who did awful things — social media and newspapers live forever — but the new people you’ll meet will not remember how you wore your gym pants inside out in 10th grade. Don’t enter college classrooms in dread of snickering and teasing. Those old students conditioned you and now they are not in your life any longer. Breathe.
- You’re Not Weirder than Everyone (and everyone else is busy being too self-conscious to notice you). And to be truthful, any other student who thinks you’re weird is not worth trying to impress. Don’t waste your time; move on.
- Be Yourself! Phonies are not fun to be around. Besides, if you are not yourself, who will be you?
- Talk First! People can’t read your mind as to who you are and what you need.
- Shrug it Off and Keep it Moving! If your jokes fall flat with one group, move on to another.
- Be Flexible to Change. You may like to do work at last minute; be open to starting assignments earlier so that they’re polished before submitting. College is not high school; it is not supposed to be.
- Don’t expect to become best friends with your roommate(s)! You may like lights out at 8 to begin your wind down; your roommate may like to stay up longer — or they’re a little afraid of the dark and don’t want to admit it (or the reverse!). Find a middle point with your roommate and ask for help from the residence assistant to mediate. Resident directors and assistants are trained and experienced in roommate issues.
- Try try again! Rinse (please shower everyday) and repeat the previous steps.
- Watch Out for Predators. There will be people who prey on freshmen:
- Don’t leave campus with students you don’t know well yet! You don’t know who will be at that party off school property. If something happens off campus, the college does not have to take responsibility.
- Always keep your hands on your drink and never take your eyes off an open cup or bottle! Pour out drinks left unattended. The cost of the drink is MUCH cheaper than the hospital bill (or worse). Don’t drink anything if you tend to get distracted.
- Stay out of areas where you’ll be alone.
- Articulate out loud and make a plan with new friends: arrive together, don’t leave without each other. Always know where they are.
- If things are moving fast with a possible romantic partner, pause! You have the rest of semester; don’t rush things. You have no where to go until the term ends. If they are a good person, they will have enough sense to go slowly, too.
- If they act as if their feelings are hurt — because they may only be acting, remember — then they are too unstable to be in a healthy happy relationship with you! Be firm; end it early before you get sucked into a twisted situation that takes longer to untangle.
- IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING. Don’t let people leave if they’re going to be in a vulnerable situation. Toss the drink and promise to reimburse them when your allowance gets sent. Don’t worry about losing potential friends; bad people give school a bad reputation. Better to be rid of them.
- Don’t Give Up on Your Classes; try not to let your anxiety interfere with attending lessons and completing classwork. Freshman year is usually a bunch of pre-requisite classes; what’s covered will be the same at any college. So during those hours that you’re in class, focus and do well to keep your grades up. Don’t throw the dreams and money away, but…
- …Know when it’s time to go. Sometimes a school isn’t a perfect fit, even though a student’s job is to go to class, take the tests, write the papers and get the grades. After all, that’s what the thousands of dollars are going to! But if you’ve taken the Three Bites (or Ten Tries) and you’re not clicking with the school, it’s time to check in with the counselor for next steps.
- Get to the Counselor at Student Support Services — of which you’re already familiar because it was the first thing you located, maybe even before stepping on campus — to help you decide whether to return the next semester, or even finish out the first semester. Then, try to get a second opinion from another counselor or advisor. Listen to them. Do not make this decision on your own. Listen to them. Do not make this decision on your own.
The best approach to a new environment is to remember that it is new. Be careful but not scared. Kick old self-destructive habits. Investigate from every angle before jumping to conclusions; you may be misinterpreting situations through old eyes. Breathe. Get advice. Listen to experts who know, who’ve encountered thousands of students like you before. Keep Calm and Carry On!
* ONE MORE THING: if you find someone in a tough situation, have this Crisis Hotline Contact Information handy. You may never need it BUT one of the people you know may need it one day. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text “help” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
