Category: Parent Worries

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The Devastation of College Summer Melt

Did you know there are two types of “Summer Melt”? Why and how to avoid.

Very disturbing to watch happen…

The term “Summer Melting” is when a student is admitted to a college, accepts the offer but doesn’t show up. It is always disheartening to hear, especially when it’s avoidable.

Did you know there are two types of “Summer Melt”? “Melting” is used to label these different scenarios:

FIRST DEFINITION – MELTING DUE TO LOW SELF-CONFIDENCE OR SURVIVOR’S REMORSE:
First-generation students (first to attend college in their family), low–income students and students who do not encounter many college grads in their lives experience this type of melt the most. The feelings often have no basis except in their own anxiety. There are feelings of guilt, pessimism and/or defeat before even getting into “battle”. They worry about being the “only one” of whomever they are. They let doubtful remarks made by insecure, jealous people get under their skin. After–all, the people who are more typical to be in that college must know better, yes? NO!

The insecure will look for a last-minute reason not to attend college. They think not going will avoid pain. But what about the pain of not attempting to accomplish a goal? It’s a dream that they-themselves defer!

Can that Melting be Stopped: yes, it can be overcome, either by the student recognizing what they are doing to themselves and/or by sharing their fears with a trusted adult and getting help to work through it. They should seek out alumni and older students who share their background. TALK TO PEOPLE; DON’T KEEP IT INSIDE! It is so important that they face their hesitation BEFORE heading to college so that they walk onto campus confident, ready to face anything and feeling that they belong.

The college wouldn’t offer them a seat if it did not want them to come; it’s time-consuming for hard-working admissions officials to sort through applications and it’s expensive to lose and may not be able to replace a student who suddenly doesn’t show up. These melting students must not let IMPOSTER SYNDROME get them.

Once they’re on campus, do not stew in your juices alone; find people who help and don’t hinder. They should join groups on campus or in town that can be a safe space, where they can comfortably “be themselves”. Or, take initiative and start a group or activity! Build self-confidence and leadership skills that can make them successful in their future career while helping themselves and others in school.

SUGGESTION: repeat it and believe this: “Yes! I DO belong here!”

SECOND DEFINITION – MELTING DUE TO LACK OF FINANCIAL PLANNING:
Quite a few students accept a college offer but realize just before move-in day that they cannot afford the cost to attend college. This type of melt not only affects first-generation and low–income students; students ready to pay part of the costs often melt, too.

These students usually don’t understand their acceptance package’s financial aid report. Or they become really set on attending because the college is “perfect”, no other school comes close to being as dreamy and they think it will all work out, because it’s the dream school. Or, they are just bad at math. Unfortunately, if the gap is too big, the student will not be able to attend that school.

Can that Melting be Stopped: depends on when they realize they can’t pay, and how big the gap is. The closer to Move-In Day that it happens, the more difficult it’ll be to figure out how to fill the gap. Scholarship deadlines have likely passed. If they work, they should check if there’s an employer scholarship fund. Beware loans beyond the government student and government ParentPlus loans; private bank loans add up and require parents to put their credit in peril. It’s not worth losing the family home, either! Best bet is to contact the college to ask for more grants and arrange a payment plan. HOWEVER, these strategies will only work if amount owed can be realistically met. Melt alert!

SUGGESTION: Plan ahead, keep eyes open. The students who almost melt but manage to make it to school as freshmen will have to go through this precarious ordeal again in sophomore year if they don’t prepare. Strategy for the next year must begin the night of freshmen move-in day, at the latest.

WHAT CAN YOUNGER HIGH SCHOOLERS GAIN BY LEARNING ABOUT THESE SCENARIOS: Students and parents need more guidance in the college application and financial aid process but often they don’t receive it in a timely fashion. They must select a list of schools wisely, taking into account the family budget and the schools’ budget. A famous school name or rumor of generous financial aid does not mean that all students qualify for that financial aid.

Every summer, students are unnecessarily devastated upon finding out that they can’t go to college. It can happen to anyone who doesn’t have good advisors. It can end in heartbreak. Our “Talking College Search” course includes real-life scenarios, including one about a student who almost didn’t get to go to college. Learn how to make realistic decisions for education that will have lasting impact on your future. Get lifetime access to this three hour online course with bonus workbook for less than the cost of an application fee!

Enroll Now and avoid regrets later! Go to goodapples.teachable.com

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Our College Search Course is LIVE! Enroll Now!

Learn all aspects of the college admissions process with the “Talking College Search” online web course.

College admissions time! But how do you figure out how to apply to college? Drag your tired self to information sessions after a long day at school and work?

Pay to meet with high priced consultants to the stars who don’t know their clients and try to turn the students into something they’re not and could never be?

The time and energy and money can be spent much better by learning how to apply to college through our “Talking College Search” ONLINE course.

On-demand, unlimited access to 6 Topic Sections, 18 Lessons and with real-life experiences as examples:

  • how to create a list of colleges,
  • how to approach the essays,
  • how to find the schools more likely to accept you,
  • how to find the schools that are the best deals,
  • how to interpret acceptance and financial aid reward letters.

Take this Course to:

AVOID SURPRISES: learn how to take control and be prepared for the outcomes.

AVOID AGGRAVATION: learn about pitfalls so all goes smoothly!

KEEP FOCUSED: learn about all the deadlines, the forms, and the steps to take.

KEEP IT REAL: learn your advantages and your limits. That includes financial limits.

AVOID DISAPPOINTMENT: the end goal is to get into the college that is the best fit.

Bonus Workbook is included and contains worksheets, reference charts and definitions!

Buy for less than the price of one college application (you did know that there are application fees? If not… then you really need this course.

Go to goodapples.teachable.com. Do your college search journey right!

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Update Immunizations Before College!

What vaccinations do freshmen need before stepping on campus?

Even before the 2020 pandemic, entering freshmen in colleges and trade schools have been expected to be up–to–date on immunizations. Students will not be allowed in class in most schools. Campus environments are intimate and turn into incubators quickly. So students must send proof of the mumps, MMR and tetanus DTP boosters.

It’s also recommended to receive the Meningitis B vaccine; many campuses experience a Meningitis B outbreak each year, and that strain can be deadly. The Meningitis B vaccine is usually a two-parter, so make doctor appointments now so that there is time to take the second one before moving on campus.

Keep yourself, your classmates, older professors and the entire school healthy! Semesters are short; don’t miss a day of classes!

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College Applying: Life on the Edge…

Who waited until the next to last day to submit the final applications? Hoped the internet demons didn’t cut your connection while sending? Go ahead and torture parents! Geez. Still, for those who don’t live in New York City, this college application process is easier than getting into a good New York City public high school. I mean, there is a gurantee students with great grades and scores will get into a good college. But NYC high schools? The odds are worse; not as many desirable high schools around for them. Regardless, parents are still probably wiped and just coming out of it emotionally. You’d think parents had to write the essays themselves! Now, they just have to hope the FAFSA and CSS angels are in their favor…

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Still Filling Out Applications? Get Our Last Minute College App Checklist!

(Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels)

Down the stretch to meet final College Application Deadlines? The final submission dates loom. Make sure the college applications are complete. Take our “Dotting the I’s and Crossing the T’s” Mini-Course! This is for anyone who doesn’t have time to take our full-length “Talking College Search” course but still wants to make sure the process is complete. Also includes the 45-minute Bonus Lesson, “Acceptance & Rejection”, which lays out the options and next steps in plain talk after the letters come in. You’ll have 24/7 access to this course, so you can watch it anytime ( but do not wait for the last hour!)

This mini-course is for anyone who has a day remaining but still wants to make sure the process is good-and-done!

Enroll here now: https://goodapples.teachable.com/p/dotted-is-crossed-ts

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Take Our Last Minute Checklist Mini–Course!

The final deadline looms. Make sure the college applications are complete. Before hitting “send”, take our “Dotting the I’s and Crossing the T’s” Mini-Course. This is from our full-length “Talking College Search” course and is for anyone who has a day remaining but still wants to make sure the process is good and done. Also includes the 45-minute Bonus Lesson, “Acceptance & Rejection”, which lays out the options and next steps in plain talk after the letters come in.

https://goodapples.teachable.com/p/dotted-is-crossed-ts

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Away at College and Need Privacy in Your Room?

One More Item to Buy for Your Dorm

Going away to college is not always easy.

It can be quite a transition to have a stranger for a roommate, to not be able to control the lighting and movement in the dorm room.

Some people are very shy; others are introverted and need down time alone to recharge.

Maybe someone can’t sleep if the sun comes up too early, or if their roommate is a nightowl, plays flashing video games or has to study all night.

Also, some students may have a condition that makes them sensitive to too much stimulation.

But students sharing rooms have to respect their roommate(s), and know there’s only so much that can be done within reason.

It will get too cold to take long walks to get one’s head straight. Can’t lie down and relax in the Library (even those libraries that have privacy pods for reserving).

Ultimately, a student has to go to bed, to the room that costs thousands a year…

Those are scenarios where students should consider getting a Bed Tent like this one on Amazon! Roll down the privacy curtains and create your own safe-you space:

* NOTE: Good Apples NYC may earn small commission from the products on this page if you decide to make a purchase by clicking on the specific link provided.
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Parents Just Want to Help: A Warning

Warning to Parents: Privacy Laws Keep Parents in the Dark

This policy of not letting parents see grades and not allowing parents to talk to administrators is imbecilic— especially with the financial investment. So what that the students are 18+?

Most parents will always care about their “babies”.

If high graduation rates and successful college grads provide good public relations for a college, why do they resist parent involvement in making it happen? Only if the student signs privacy releases:

Want to pay tuition through the school’s online portal? The student has to sign a Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act Release (FERPA). Otherwise, parents would have no idea if there are new outstanding charges, or if a loan needs another step. Some students misunderstand or ignore flags on their accounts until they’re threatened with being asked to leave school!

Depending on the school, the FERPA may also enable parents to view students’ grades. Unless a parent has due cause, don’t go crazy with checking the college transcript. Parents ought to give the student some space. Keep a closer eye if the student’s scholarship is dependent on keeping up a certain average. If a student is experiencing severe anxiety and might begin to skip class, for sure it’s advantageous to have the FERPA signed before trouble starts.

Student falls ill? Better have a Durable Power of Attorney, Healthcare Proxy and Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act authorization (HIPAA). The college doesn’t have to notify the parent, nor does the hospital. Hospital staff are not allowed reveal medical status nor consult parents about treatment unless the paperwork is in order.

Trouble with a professor, administration or the dorm? Out of luck. Colleges do not want to talk to parents. Professors, depending on their personality and patience level, will decline to answer questions politely or rudely. Roommates violate dorm policy and the student gets in trouble, too? Parents can’t defend the innocent student. Reminding the college as to who pays the tuition bill will not result even in a bat of the eye. The student will have to be on the phone with the parent and the school staff, and give specific instructions that the parent be allowed to speak.

This applies to students who’ve reached their 18th birthday. Parents still have input with the affairs of younger college students. Relish the access for those few months…

For more details on necessary documents for college, see the article College Packing List: THE MOST IMPORTANT ITEMS THAT FRESHMEN MUST BRING TO COLLEGE .

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How to Get Through the First Week of Freshman Year — Social Edition

What to do to make Freshman Year comfortable socially

REAL STORY: there was a young freshman who couldn’t eat in the dining hall for the first few days of college because she didn’t know she could sit anywhere! And this was a Brooklyn kid used to a huge cafeteria in public high school who had chosen to go to a small single-sex Pennsylvania college. Yes, this article is only about getting through the first week or so because the awkwardness and nerves a new freshman feels don’t last the entire year.

  1. Don’t Expect Anything. Put all those movies, books and tv shows out of your head. Wrong, unrealistic expectations will cripple your adjustment and set you up for disappointment.
  2. Locate Student Support Services! Your tuition pays for them to be there for you. They provide advice on how to manage time, campus life and anything that concerns you.
  3. Locate the Tutoring Center! Even the brightest kids seek help. Do it the first two weeks.
  4. Don’t Resist New Things! When kids are little and introduced to new foods, especially when visiting other people’s homes, one tactic to use is the “Three Tries Rule”: a) Take a full first bite b) Take another full bite to be sure c) Have another full bite to be polite. Celebrity couple Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Sara Michelle Gellar have a 10 Tries Rule, no negotiation! (https://www.huffpost.com/entry/freddie-prinze-jr-parenting-quotes_l_60467c1cc5b6e6abac81f4bf) As long as the activities don’t clash with your class schedule, attend a variety of organized events. Don’t wait for your favorite theme. You may find new friends in unexpected places.
  5. You Are Not Alone. Most schools admit a thousand or more freshmen a year. Odds are not only is there someone else who likes the same last place-ranked professional team, or who reads the same Deep South gothic ghost stories — but they’re not going to fall into your lap as you sit in the dorm room. Or if you’re a commuter, you won’t find them if you go straight home after class.
  6. Forget High School Humiliations. Put embarrassing moments behind you. That’s a more difficult to do for students who did awful things — social media and newspapers live forever — but the new people you’ll meet will not remember how you wore your gym pants inside out in 10th grade. Don’t enter college classrooms in dread of snickering and teasing. Those old students conditioned you and now they are not in your life any longer. Breathe.
  7. You’re Not Weirder than Everyone (and everyone else is busy being too self-conscious to notice you). And to be truthful, any other student who thinks you’re weird is not worth trying to impress. Don’t waste your time; move on.
  8. Be Yourself! Phonies are not fun to be around. Besides, if you are not yourself, who will be you?
  9. Talk First! People can’t read your mind as to who you are and what you need.
  10. Shrug it Off and Keep it Moving! If your jokes fall flat with one group, move on to another.
  11. Be Flexible to Change. You may like to do work at last minute; be open to starting assignments earlier so that they’re polished before submitting. College is not high school; it is not supposed to be.
  12. Don’t expect to become best friends with your roommate(s)! You may like lights out at 8 to begin your wind down; your roommate may like to stay up longer — or they’re a little afraid of the dark and don’t want to admit it (or the reverse!). Find a middle point with your roommate and ask for help from the residence assistant to mediate. Resident directors and assistants are trained and experienced in roommate issues.
  13. Try try again! Rinse (please shower everyday) and repeat the previous steps.
  14. Watch Out for Predators. There will be people who prey on freshmen:
    • Don’t leave campus with students you don’t know well yet! You don’t know who will be at that party off school property. If something happens off campus, the college does not have to take responsibility.
    • Always keep your hands on your drink and never take your eyes off an open cup or bottle! Pour out drinks left unattended. The cost of the drink is MUCH cheaper than the hospital bill (or worse). Don’t drink anything if you tend to get distracted.
    • Stay out of areas where you’ll be alone.
    • Articulate out loud and make a plan with new friends: arrive together, don’t leave without each other. Always know where they are.
    • If things are moving fast with a possible romantic partner, pause! You have the rest of semester; don’t rush things. You have no where to go until the term ends. If they are a good person, they will have enough sense to go slowly, too.
    • If they act as if their feelings are hurt — because they may only be acting, remember — then they are too unstable to be in a healthy happy relationship with you! Be firm; end it early before you get sucked into a twisted situation that takes longer to untangle.
    • IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING. Don’t let people leave if they’re going to be in a vulnerable situation. Toss the drink and promise to reimburse them when your allowance gets sent. Don’t worry about losing potential friends; bad people give school a bad reputation. Better to be rid of them.
  15. Don’t Give Up on Your Classes; try not to let your anxiety interfere with attending lessons and completing classwork. Freshman year is usually a bunch of pre-requisite classes; what’s covered will be the same at any college. So during those hours that you’re in class, focus and do well to keep your grades up. Don’t throw the dreams and money away, but…
  16. …Know when it’s time to go. Sometimes a school isn’t a perfect fit, even though a student’s job is to go to class, take the tests, write the papers and get the grades. After all, that’s what the thousands of dollars are going to! But if you’ve taken the Three Bites (or Ten Tries) and you’re not clicking with the school, it’s time to check in with the counselor for next steps.
  17. Get to the Counselor at Student Support Services — of which you’re already familiar because it was the first thing you located, maybe even before stepping on campus — to help you decide whether to return the next semester, or even finish out the first semester. Then, try to get a second opinion from another counselor or advisor.  Listen to them. Do not make this decision on your own.  Listen to them. Do not make this decision on your own.

The best approach to a new environment is to remember that it is new. Be careful but not scared. Kick old self-destructive habits. Investigate from every angle before jumping to conclusions; you may be misinterpreting situations through old eyes. Breathe. Get advice. Listen to experts who know, who’ve encountered thousands of students like you before. Keep Calm and Carry On!

* ONE MORE THING: if you find someone in a tough situation, have this Crisis Hotline Contact Information handy. You may never need it BUT one of the people you know may need it one day. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text “help” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

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